How to Have Confidence in STEM (Especially as a Woman)

Imposter syndrome is real

Interestingly enough, marine biology is heavily dominated by females yet women are underrepresented particularly in leadership and senior positions. I hear the same story of not feeling qualified, not feeling confident in their abilities, and the list goes on. What’s worse too is that you may come across other females in the field not willing to help you out (because they struggled their way through and figure you should too). I fully support Madeline Albright in saying that “there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.”

All this being said, throughout my career I’ve experienced all the above situations and feelings and learned a few hacks along the way. My love of self-help books (shoutout to Evy Poumpouras) and podcasts featuring inspirational content has given me a shit ton of summarized tips and tricks from other folks as well! 

Why confidence matters in STEM careers

I would be lying if I said my confidence was natural born and not at all attributed to my blunt, aggressively helpful, charming, immigrant mother. I could write 5,000 blog entries on my mother alone but for now I will say a lot of confidence has been supported by my mother who only attained her GED and with an accent and english as her second language, managed to retire at 55 after slaying it in the banking industry. She has been the one who has learned the game, played it, and laughed her ass all the way to the bank while waving her middle finger in the air to all the naysayers. 

When I graduated with my M.S. and was job hunting, my mom told me to go in person and drop off my resume. I laughed because it felt wildly antiquated, but I did it anyway. I didn’t get a job, but what I did get were contacts, real networking experience, and the confidence to actually put myself out there and do that sort of thing. Growing up, she always said, “It’s always a no until you ask.” And to quote Kris Jenner, “If somebody says no, you’re talking to the wrong person.” Say what you want about the Kardashians, but you can’t deny that woman’s business model when it comes to getting financial success for her girls.

I also once stopped by an office in person after getting rejected for a job. Chatted up the director, let them know I was still interested, and asked to be kept in mind for future openings. A couple months later? Got the call for a job opportunity.

So yeah, this might not work for everyone—but honestly, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. You don’t need to show up ‘gina swinging and aggressive AF. You can walk in with a confident little white lie about being “in the area” and wanting to check out their amazing establishment, maybe meet one of their employees, and talk about the badass research they’re doing. The trick? Sound genuine, even if you’re low-key blowing smoke up their ass. Do your homework. Google names beforehand, learn a bit about their work, and sprinkle in some thoughtful flattery. Flattery backed by research = strategy. There’s a whole science behind this kind of human behavior stuff that I don’t have time to unpack right now, but drop a comment if you want a whole post on it (because let’s be real, if I didn’t go into marine science, I definitely would have studied psychology).

Don’t Let People Shit in Your Cheerios

People will tell you that you can’t do something simply because they couldn’t figure it out. When I was starting this blog, so many people said blogging was dead and that writing had been replaced by AI. But really, people are just pissed they don’t have the ovaries to make changes in their own lives and go all in on what actually brings them joy. So instead, they try to squash other people’s dreams when they hear about them. So here’s my advice:

Keep your dreams to yourself (or share with a trusted few). Unless your confidence is rock solid, don’t open the floor to feedback from people who haven’t done shit. Or better yet, don’t take advice from people who aren’t living the life you want. People will shit in your cheerios making you want to skip breakfast all together. 

Confidence in Volunteer Opportunities, Internships, and Fellowships

When I worked for the EPA as a Fellow so many people were surprised to know that I wasn’t a full-time employee (FTE). Fellows sometimes got lumped into the general intern category which was annoying AF because we did have interns (usually unpaid and spending 1 month or less), which did far less than fellows who had full on salaries and were there to complete different tasks for 1-4 years depending on your contract. I contributed to their misidentification of me as a FTE as I always dressed professionally, often times outshining my supervisors (it’s not hard when your in the Hawaiian shirts and tevas career) and ALWAYS looking better than my fellow fellows who showed up in yoga pants or sweatshirts. Give adage to the old saying of dress for the job you want, not the job you have. So whether you are a volunteer or FTE, dress for success!

Half of feeling confident is how you ACT. The other half is experience and knowledge. And for those of you who don’t yet have the experience and knowledge — follow Mark Manson’s advice to “…simply become comfortable with what you lack.” Marine science is deeply niche. Nobody’s an expert in all of it, even if they say they are. Get comfortable with not knowing everything, there’s a reason why people specialize in such narrow areas within marine science. It’s impossible to know it all, and honestly, there’s always so much more to learn (in marine science and in life in general). 

I am a marine scientist who has spent most of her marine career NOT studying fish, so when someone asks me to ID the fish they caught and I respond with a “I don’t know,”  they continue with the whole “aren’t you a marine biologist??” Yes, asshole and if you knew anything about marine biologists, you’d know we generally specialize in one thing. And fish is not my thing. Even in my seven years of higher education, I did not take one single fish course. So typically I don’t even acknowledge the comment or politely explain that why would I know every fish in the sea if I focused mostly on the intertidal? I’m comfortable not knowing every species out there. I’m not here to sound impressive for the sake of it. Life is waaay too short and I’m paid waaayy too little for that nonsense. And while I’m at it, nothing pisses me off more when scientists get together and start referring to species by their scientific names in a mixed crowd where no one knows what they’re talking about. Please, for the love of god, stop using your ability to recall scientific names as a flex. You just look like a tool trying too hard to sound impressive. Drop the Placopecten magellanicus if you are having a casual conversation with a colleague. Just effing say scallops, please.

Confidence Truth Bomb: Everyone’s Insecure

Here’s a secret, some of the most confident people you know have their own fair share of insecurities.  Now, I’m not saying you can’t develop real confidence, you absolutely can learn it. But even Beyonce worries how her ass looks up on stage even though she’s got enough spanx on to give her the body confidence of 10 Victoria’s Secret models.  But sometimes people who are really arrogant are just over compensating for their insecurities. Most of the time, how people act has more to do with them than with you. That’s hard to remember when your boss is triple-checking your work like you’re a high school intern. But if your work is solid and they’re still hovering, that’s not about you; it’s micromanagement due to their control issues and probably a little bit of unresolved childhood trauma.

Listen, people treat you how you let them treat you. Don’t take disrespect and let them treat you like a high school intern. In a recent Mel Robbins podcast with Kwame Christian, he shared advice from his mentor: “There is a difference between being liked and being respected.” That hit me hard, because this is especially tough for women who are socially raised to be friendly, helpful, non-aggressive, not loud, not disruptive — god, the list goes on. So we lean toward being likeable instead of respected. 

No one wants to ask for what they deserve and then be blacklisted as the “B*itch” no one wants to work with. I’ve seen so many women get bad reps at places I’ve worked, only to later realize they were actually really nice. They just demanded what they deserved (like any entitled man) and got labeled for it.

And as a recovering people-pleaser, I get it. This one’s hard for me too.

That’s why I’m going to show you how to play the societal BS game so you can get your way, AND tell everyone to f*ck off without them even realizing it.

It sucks. I wish women could play the same games as men and be treated the same, but that’s not the way it is… at least not yet. So I’m going to give you some suggestions you can take or leave. They’ll at least get you what you want, minus the part where you light your bra on fire in the office while flipping everyone off (anyone?).

Confidence Hacks for Women in STEM

1. Fake it till you feel it: Confidence is a skill, not a vibe. Practice it until it’s second nature.
2. Say yes before you’re ready: Apply now, panic later. You’ll figure it out just like the mediocre dude who already did.
3. Confidence = comfort with what you lack: Own what you don’t know and move on. You’re not a human encyclopedia.
4. Replace “sorry” with “thank you”: Say, “Thanks for your patience,” not “Sorry for the delay.”
5. Cut the fluff: No more “just checking in,” or “I was wondering,” Say what you mean directly.
6. Stop apologizing for existing: You’re allowed to take up space. Own it.
7. Lose the exclamation marks and smiley faces in professional emails or texts: (unless it’s a strategic power play).
8. Dress for the job you want: Professional > passive. Show you give a damn when others don’t. You’ll get noticed.
9. Document your wins: Start looking at your experiences, no matter how small or unimpressive they feel to you, as badass, career-shaping moments. 
10. Give a firm handshake: There is nothing worse than being handed a “wet blanket.”
11. Talk slower and lower: Confident voices don’t rush. Slow and low = authority.
12. Power pose before meetings: Yes, Wonder Woman stance in the bathroom mirror actually works.
13. Have a walk-up song: Blast “Boss Bitch” by Doja Cat or “Woman” by Kesha before your Zoom call (my personal recommendations)
14. Channel your inner immigrant mom (like mine): If they were able to walk into a boardroom uninvited, you should too.
15. Call out microaggressions with poise:  If someone talks over you in a meeting, jump back in with: “Hold on Carl, I wasn’t finished yet.”

Final Thoughts: Confidence is Learned, Not Born

Here’s the truth: even with 20 years in this field, I still never feel 100% confident. And that’s normal. Most women were taught to be nice, helpful, polite, and to never take up too much space. We’re scared to be bold because we don’t want to be labeled. But if you start putting these tips into practice now, you’ll slowly shift the way you carry yourself. The more you tell yourself you’re a strong, smart, capable woman in a STEM career — the more you’ll start to believe it. So let me be that friend who shows you how to play the game, get what you want, and still feel like your unapologetic, badass self.

Confidence isn’t just about walking in like you own the place. It’s about knowing you belong there, even if someone else hasn’t figured that out yet. 

Love,

Salty Sereia