How Women in STEM Can Negotiate a Raise (Without Feeling Like a B*tch)

Was I the only one who desperately wanted a real negotiation guide for women in STEM careers when I was job hunting? Because, damn, most of the shit I found was either vague corporate fluff, clearly written by someone who’s never negotiated inside a rigid pay scale, or advice that might work in tech but would absolutely get you side-eyed in a state or federal role. No acknowledgment that women are judged differently the second we open our mouths.

Negotiation is one of my favorite topics, but it’s also one of the hardest to write about. To negotiate successfully is difficult in general, but it’s a whole other beast when you are a women. I once took an online course from a Yale professor during COVID on negotiating and man was it an eye opener into how women and men HAVE to negotiate differently due to how they are perceived. For example, a man can negotiate aggressively and be viewed as confident and strong, whereas a woman who does the same will be viewed negatively and be perceived as not a “team player” and difficult to work with. The professor said women need to be “relentless and soft” when negotiating. Like, you can’t bulldoze your way through like a man might, you have to be strategic about it. It’s a tightrope walk: assertive enough to be taken seriously, but warm enough not to be labeled “difficult.”

Men get praised for being direct and bold. Women have to master the art of the velvet hammer—firm, confident, but delivered with softness.

But this is where I come in to help you out. I’ve worked about 10 positions over 20 years (multiple jobs at once and plenty of  contracted positions) and I’m proud to say that after my first snafu, I’ve negotiated hard ever since, and now you will too.

My First Negotiation Fail (and Why You Should Avoid It)

I remember getting my “first job” after college. It was a naturalist position for a science center. They told me the hourly rate, I said great, and immediately accepted it over the phone. Zero questions asked. If this sounds familiar then you’re in the right place. I’ve heard from so many individuals that they accepted the first salary offered. Mind you my position was hourly and part-time, but even then I should have negotiated (and you should too)! 

How women can ask for more salary in a STEM job

I hear the same excuse over and over again, “I was making X, the new offer was $15,000 more, so I just took it.” I mean this is a good scenario to be in if you’ve found a job to increase your salary by 15 g’s but not when it means you probably left 5-10k on the table.  The first offer is almost never their best offer. Fed, state, nonprofit—doesn’t matter. They can usually nudge it up or pull a few strings. How do I know? Because I’ve lived it, especially in government, where everyone swears it’s impossible to negotiate with state or federal thanks to all the red tape. Spoiler: it’s harder, but not impossible. You just need to know which levers to pull.

The Gender Pay Gap (And Why You Can’t Afford to Stay Quiet)

Women working full-time, year-round still make about 82.7 cents for every dollar men make—a 17% gap. And in STEM? That gap often gets wider thanks to:

• Gender bias (“pushy” vs. “assertive”)
• Lack of mentorship and role models (this is where I come in)
• Imposter syndrome
• Childbearing penalties (“not committed to work enough”)
• Fewer promotions and leadership tracks

Women will fight like hell for others but freeze up when it’s time to advocate for themselves. That’s not a “confidence issue”—that’s social conditioning. It’s time to unlearn this bullshit.

I got my first contract job three months after graduating with my M.S. degree. I needed any job—I couldn’t afford to sit around unemployed while I hunted for something I actually wanted.  I had networked hard and finally got a contact on the East Coast at a university about 30 minutes from where I lived. The professor was kind and needed help in his lab digitizing hours and hours of scallop video footage.

They offered me an hourly rate since it wasn’t a full-time salaried position, but I managed to get them to bump it by $3 an hour. Still pretty shit for someone with two degrees, but I needed money fast—so I took it. And then looked for full-time work while having some income.

Since 2017, I’ve had a lot of titles—town gigs, state, and fed. I went from negotiating $3 more an hour to landing $15,000 above the starting offer (and that was a State position which is difficult to squeeze $100 from them—if you know, you know). That was with an M.S. and five years of experience.

Read below for top tactics for negotiating in STEM. Short, sharp, and effective.

Bring your receipts (AKA know your worth)

Do your homework. Negotiation isn’t about begging—it’s about proving your value.

• Research salary ranges and grant/contract funding norms for your role, discipline, and region.
• Bring hard data: average pay scales, institutional benchmarks, and published funding levels.
• Understand your needs, the other side’s needs, and the facts (market rates, data, etc.)
• Keep a running list of your achievements (papers, presentations, grants, collaborations, teaching impact) and frame them in terms of measurable outcomes. (I have a word doc from all my jobs and what big ticket items I accomplished during my term. Keep a “brag doc” with your accomplishments for every job you’ve had. It’ll save your ass when you need to justify a raise or negotiate a higher salary. 

Quantify your success. Use numbers when you can. 

This was hard for me as an early-career marine scientist, but it’s still possible even if you just graduated. You just need to know why you were doing something.

Example: you worked in a lab for a PhD candidate sorting invertebrates from estuaries. You can say:
“I managed fieldwork for the lab and organized/oversaw invertebrate categorization and quantification, which contributed to a publication on how horseshoe crabs disturb benthic communities.”

Or maybe you wrote a grant that funded your research on climate change. Say that. Spell out the impact:
“This funding supported research with the potential to reduce climate impacts by ~10%…”

Or try this: “Oversaw a $250K grant,” “led a field team of 8,” or “grew outreach by 40% through my org’s social media.”

Bottom line: own the outcome, not just the task. Numbers make you look legit.

Negotiate Face-to-Face (or at Least Over the Phone)

Asking in person, or on Zoom/phone, beats email. Every. Single. Time. It’s more personal, and people have a harder time saying no when they can see your face, hear your tone, and read your body language.

Sure, in-person interviews are rarer now, but after you get an offer, request a quick Zoom or call to discuss details. This is where you show excitement and gratitude and bring up what you need.

Try:

“Hi Sonia, thank you for the offer—I’m really excited to come on board. I did want to discuss the proposed salary of $75,000. Based on my 15 years of experience and my background in data analysis and publications, I feel that $90,000 better reflects my value.”

You can be a recent grad with no full-time experience and STILL negotiate. Hiring managers often expect you to take the offer as-is, so asking—politely and confidently—already sets you apart. 

Don’t Be Delulu (But Don’t Lowball Yourself Either)

You can’t be delulu (cough, Gen Z) and demand $15k more because you did a $15/hr work study in a lab. But you also shouldn’t sell yourself short.

Here’s a good rule of thumb:

• New grads: ask for ~5% more
• Mid-career: 10–15%
• Senior/lead: 15–25%

Focus your ask on the cost of living, the skills you bring, and how you’ll deliver fast results.  Never pull numbers out of your ass.

Communicate Clearly—No Apologies, No Essays

Silence is a tool: pause after making your ask. Don’t try to fill empty silence, the other person will usually do that for you. Say what you want. Then shut up. Avoid over-explaining or talking yourself out of it mid-sentence. You don’t owe anyone a dissertation. The clearer your message, the less chance they’ll misinterpret it.

Please as a woman, do not fit the stereotype of letting emotion get in the way of your negotiation success. Stay calm and professional, even if the discussion gets tense. When you sound defensive, they go on offense. When you sound steady and logical, they have nothing to fight. Losing your temper or becoming defensive weakens your position.

Anticipate Pushback and “take the argument out of theirs” 

When you take the argument out of their explanation, what you’re really doing is removing the emotional or defensive charge from the conversation. You’re making it impossible for the other person to dig in and argue, because you’re not giving them something to push back on. Basically, you’re acknowledging their point and thus removing their ammo.  

When they say, “Our budget is tight,” or “we can’t do that right now,” don’t fold. 

Say:

“I totally understand budgets are tight right now…”
Then follow with your ask:
“…which is why I think a sign-on bonus or funding for additional training support might make more sense.”

Or you might also say: 

• “Listen, I know budgets are tight right now and you probably can’t make big adjustments. You’re not being unfair, I totally get it. I just really want this job and I’m trying to figure out how to make this work.”
• Boom. You’ve already diffused their defense. You sound reasonable, self-aware, and collaborative, not demanding. It’s like verbal aikido: you redirect their energy instead of fighting it head-on.

You want to negotiate like a grown-ass professional, not a desperate intern.

STFU and Listen

Really listen, don’t just wait to talk. This helps you pick up on what the other person values most, which often gives you bargaining power. People negotiate with people they trust. A bit of relationship-building—showing respect, finding common ground—can make the conversation smoother and more collaborative. You’ll pick up what matters most to them—budget, timing, optics, and that gives you leverage. Build rapport, show curiosity, and use that data to frame your next move.

Negotiate Beyond Money

• Many science roles have limited salary flexibility. Don’t leave benefits on the table.
• Negotiate for more than money: hybrid schedule, more vacation time, relocation allowance (if you have to move), sign-on bonus, classes/courses/trainings, conferences.
• Hell, you can even negotiate a job title — e.g., Aquatic Habitat Specialist → Aquatic Habitat Manager, Advisor, Director — especially if you want to boost your resume with leadership experience.

Remember: it’s ALWAYS a no until you ask. And it’s HOW you ask. Do it confidently without coming off arrogant or entitled (my two biggest turn-offs in people).

Practice & Role-Play

• Rehearse with a trusted colleague or mentor, or record yourself.
• Practice in real life: for example, the next time you’re ordering a coffee at Starbucks, ask for extra cold foam for free instead of paying a dollar. The point isn’t the outcome; it’s getting comfortable asking.
• Do this as much as you can with anything. I once asked the person in front of me to buy me a coffee because I didn’t have my wallet (I was lying and they said yes). I ended up buying theirs.

Know Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) — and Be Ready to Walk

Your BATNA is your backup plan if the negotiation fails. The stronger your alternative, the more confident and flexible you’ll be. Sometimes just being willing to walk signals your value more than anything you say.

Recognize the Gender Game — and Play It Smarter

Studies show women get penalized for being “too aggressive.” Balance assertiveness with collaborative language. Ask questions instead of making demands.

Try:

• “What flexibility do you have within the range?”
• “How do you typically handle raises for someone with my experience?”

Questions shift the dynamic from confrontation to collaboration—it’s no longer you vs. them, it’s you and them solving a problem together.

Final Word: It’s Not About Asking for Favors—It’s About Value

Remember: Negotiation isn’t about asking for favors. It’s value for value. You bring impact; you get paid. You belong at the damn table.

Start small, get comfortable, and keep building that confidence muscle. If you don’t advocate for yourself, no one else will.

Love, 

Salty Sereia